Drew Spurgers

Marketing guru, entrepreneur, pet lover, radio-sing-along-er, coffee drinker

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Walk in Love – A Journey into The Episcopal Church

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Almighty God, to you all hearts are open, all desires known, and from you no secrets are hid: Cleanse the thoughts of our hearts by the inspiration of your Holy Spirit, that we may perfectly love you, and worthily magnify your holy Name; through Christ our Lord. Amen.

-Collect for Purity

This past Sunday, Kevin and I were confirmed as members of The Episcopal Church (TEC).

Kev and I with our Deacons, Peggy and Linda
(read below for more about Deacons in the Episcopal church) These ladies are a huge portion of why the church means so much to us, and why we feel so at home.

This has been a happy, easy journey for us, starting last May. For some details on that, check out this post:

Now that we’ve been attending for about 16 months, and gotten deeply involved, I have some thoughts I’d love to share on what we love about The Episcopal Church. Prior to visiting, we knew essentially nothing about the church. The more we’ve gotten to know, the more we’ve fallen in love. Here are some of our favorite things about TEC, that may also serve as an FAQ/Did You Know for those interested:

  • Does the Episcopal Church teach scripture? Does it believe in Jesus? 
    Resoundingly, YES! When we first met with clergy from our church, these were some of the first questions I asked. Since I knew the church was a bit more liberal than I was accustomed to, I was concerned about relativism or a compromising stance on the truth. I’ve found the exact opposite.
    The Episcopal Church (and the greater Anglican communion) operates off of a calendar called the Lectionary. Basically, it’s a calendar of suggested readings throughout the year, following the seasons of the church year. Each week, there are 4 readings in our services: one Old Testament, one from Psalms or Proverbs, one New Testament, and one Epistle (a reading from one of the 4 Gospels). The sermon then comes from one of these readings (usually the gospel reading).
    A beauty that I found in this is that it is not pastorally or topically driven at all. Meaning that a person can’t decide “this is what people need to hear, in the Name of God” and then go preach it. Clergy is responsible for studying and praying over the week’s readings and speaking from one of these.
    Additionally, there is so much power in scripture being read aloud. That’s right — each of these readings is read aloud in service.
    My concern of “not enough of the Bible” was quickly turned upside down with “you’ll read more scripture than you have in your entire life.”
  • Are Episcopalians Christians?
    Yes.
  • What do Episcopalians believe?
    In short, Episcopalian beliefs are not too different from Protestant Christianity (and likely don’t differ from your beliefs at all). Our beliefs are summed up in the catechism of the Episcopal church. You can find that here.
  • Why is everything so formal?
    In short, it’s just tradition. BUT, there is a reason for everything. Literally, we haven’t yet found a single thing that there isn’t a long, thought-out reason for.
  • Why do you love it?
    (this one will take me a while!)
  • One of the core beliefs of the Episcopal Church, affirmed in the Baptismal Covenant, is to respect the dignity of every human being:
    Celebrant: Will you strive for justice and peace among all people, and respect the dignity of every human being?
    People: I will, with God’s help.
    This means a lot to me because, in short, I’ve been around plenty of churches and Christians that don’t respect the dignity of every human being. The idea of “we love you, but don’t want you here” or “we don’t believe God is at work in your life” is really hard for me – and frankly, I think people just get it wrong. Scripture makes it pretty clear that Christ and His love are acceptable to all of us. Even those that are a different color, nationality, gender, whatever — just because someone is different from you doesn’t mean they are magically exempted from access to the love of God, or salvation.
    You know, when I write that my first thought is “well, duh,” but I have personally had multiple encounters where someone’s actions told me the exact opposite. That hasn’t been the case with the EC.The very real demonstration for us has been the unquestioned acceptance of the LGBT+ community. The church globally is missing the mark by pushing people away. The unquestioned welcoming of all – without giving it a second thought – is so refreshing. And so Christ-like.
  • I love the diversity.
    Kev and I know we want to raise our (eventual) family in church. We also know that we want our children exposed to diversity, of all types. This doesn’t just mean orientation. I’m actually specifically referring to diversity in age in our congregation. The Sunday School class we attend most Sundays ranges from early 20’s to early 90’s. This is totally different from my previous experience of people all my age in my same stage of life. The beauty in this is that our discussions are rich in opinion and wisdom. At different stages in life, we bring totally different perspectives to the table, and we’re all able to learn from each other.
  • I love the Eucharist.
    The Eucharist (fancy word for Communion) is kind of the core of the service. It happens in almost every service, every week. Originally, I was worried that taking Communion weekly would dilute the value for me and it would start to lose its meaning. The opposite has been true. I look forward to that time and find that Christ speaks to me differently each week during that time. Additionally, the Eucharistic prayers are absolutely gorgeous and put my mind in the right frame to remember Christ’s sacrifice for us.
  • I love the high standard for clergy.
    The process to become a Deacon or Priest in the Episcopal church is years long — and not everyone is a shoe-in. Those interested in being ordained enter a years-long discernment process. Some make it through, some do not. If they do, they then proceed to seminary and complete this before ordination.
    Get this — Deacons are volunteers. Non-paid. But still go through this process and through seminary, often on their own dime, to serve for free. Wow.
  • There’s beauty in liturgy.
    Liturgy is the “service script” we follow each week. Lots of it repeats from week to week, including the Nicene Creed, one of the affirmations of our faith. There’s beauty in repetition. Someone once described it to me as “our words become our thoughts. Our thoughts become the mediations of our heart. These meditations become our actions, which then become our lifestyle.”
  • I love the focus on unity.
    Unity in the church, locally and globally. Unity in the world.
    Each week, we pray for the unity of the church. We pray for congregations elsewhere in the world. We pray for people who don’t believe like us (yup, God loves them, too).
    A beautiful example of this I’ve seen is demonstrated in the Eucharist. Prior to taking Communion, there’s an area of the service called “The Peace.” To an Evangelical defect like myself, it would seem like a meet & greet. What it originally was intended for was for people to find anyone in the room they may have conflict or tension with and share God’s peace with each other and resolve it, before going to the table to take Communion together. How beautiful is that!?
    Ready to pass some eye-water? 
    After serving at the altar, those serving the Eucharist then go out into the congregation and take Communion to those who aren’t able to stand up or come to the alter easily.
    If that didn’t get you, this will:
    After Communion, there’s a “sending out sacrament.” At this time, the church prays over consecrated Communion elements, and members of the congregation called Eucharistic Visitors take them out, and often leave immediately and go straight to the homes of those who are home-bound or unable to be at church. The idea in this is that we are sharing in Communion together at the same time.
    “Who we are many are one body, because we share one bread, one cup.”
  • Everyone is welcome at the table.
    Have you ever been a visitor at a church where you weren’t allowed to take Communion? It’s painfully awkward, and it never sat quite right with me–didn’t seem to me that Jesus would turn someone away. Our Priest says each week before Communion “Wherever you are on your journey of faith, you are welcome at this table.” Another Priest in Arkansas once explained “This isn’t our church’s table. This isn’t the Episcopal church’s table, and it certainly isn’t my table. It is Christ’s table, and you are always welcome at it.”
    Welcoming and showing the love of Christ in the simplest of ways…
  • We’ve found a family.
    Actually, we inadvertently found two, ha. We have two small groups that meet in homes every other week. These people have become our rocks and support system. Our lives are made richer because of them, and we are more thankful that I could ever put into words for their love and influence in our lives.

    Some of our small group family from St. Peter’s, including our new Priest, The Rev. Greg Warren.

  • They accepted us, as we were. 
    This one is probably the most expected answer. Our church search began when we needed a place to grow in Christ together. Not only were we accepted at St. Peter’s, but we were loved. From the beginning. People were excited we were there, and they still are. And now we’re happy to welcome others with open arms, sharing the same love shown to us.
  • They push us to be better.
    By focusing on Christ’s love and the way He lived His life, we are encouraged to be better. To love better. To be that light in the world.

Walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself for us, and offering and sacrifice to God.

If you’re interested in visiting the Episcopal Church, feel free to comment or send me a message. I assure you the church would love to have you. If you are local, you can sit with Kevin and I any time. 🙂

Our confirmation class. Over 20 new members!

What’s My Name?

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I’m sharing this post because we have discussed this at length with lots of our friends. It’s been interesting to hear everyone’s thoughts and perspectives on what we should and shouldn’t do, what’s normal, what everyone will perceive this to mean… at the end of the day, the goal is the explain why we chose to do what we did and why it matters.

Leading up to our wedding, Kevin and I said that names weren’t important to us. It wasn’t a big deal to us to have the same last name, and we didn’t know which route we’d go to share one. We knew that we wanted to share a last name before kids entered the picture, but also knew that we were at least a couple of years out from that.

After we got married, a switch flipped immediately. Honestly, we expected to receive much more backlash from people in Central Arkansas than we did. Those who disapprove were (mostly) silent, lessening the pain we expected to feel. When we realized that life wasn’t going to be as difficult as we expected. We also realized how thrilled we were to officially be married and have a public, life-long commitment. Thus, our last names suddenly became much more important to us.

Why was it important? That’s a loaded question. First, the reality of it is that we are surrounded by people that don’t see our relationship as legitimate. Whether it be for religious reasons, cultural norms, or other reasons, they see our relationship as “less than” that of a heterosexual couple. Yup, that hurts. It’s evident to us often – most evident when I introduce Kevin as my husband and then someone refers to him after that as my “friend.” I always politely say “no, husband. Yes we are friends, but we are also legally married. He’s my husband.” Sharing a last name adjusts that public perception just a little more to make people realize that we are in fact, legally, actually married. Shockingly, sometimes people go a step further and say “like gay married, or actually married?” If that doesn’t shine a bright light on ugly perception – I’m not sure what will.

The next parts of the decision centered around family – and first, around own future family. We know that we want children. We know that we want our kids to have the best, easiest lives possible, and that it may be more difficult because some will view our family as less-than or sub-par. We know that our kids may have some battles to fight or perceptions to overcome. This was one step we could take to make it easier. To be clear, we didn’t think this was 100% necessary – but we knew it was 100% something we wanted to do.

In a lot of ways, as gay Christians, we felt like one of the best things we could do for the community was to normalize our relationship. Here’s the truth: we are normal. We go to work every day. We come home and choose between cooking the Hello Fresh in the fridge or being too tired and just ordering takeout. We stay up later than we should on the couch binge watching Netflix or talking to friends, then wake up the next morning and repeat. The fact that we feel the need to normalize our relationship speaks to a skewed perspective that we want to do the best we can to correct. The gay couple next door to you is probably not promiscuous or in the club every weekend – they’re probably just another couple wanting to be who they are and share life with people they love.

Now, knowing we wanted to share a last name, we came to the hard part – what name do we take? Some friends have chosen a hybrid name (Example, last names of Smith and Williamson becoming Smithson). We didn’t have that option — there’s nothing sexy about Phergers or Sphelps. We also knew that we wanted to fight for each other in this (more on this in a second). The most important thing to me about the name-change was that Kevin felt 100% comfortable and equal in it. Because Kevin is an introvert and I’m an extrovert, people often think that someone “wears the pants” in the relationship. We both do – literally and figuratively (no dresses to be found). In every chance I get, I remind people that Kevin is my 100% equal partner. We’re in this together, and at this point I can’t imagine life without him.

So, in fighting for each other, what do I mean?
You know how when you’re having a discussion/argument with your significant other, you make the case for your point of view, then enforce it, and are basically arguing your point? Yeah, we did the opposite. We argued each other’s points, defending each other about ourselves. In my opinion, this speaks of 1) the love we share and 2) our true equal partnership.

So, flash forward to figuring out options.:

  • Kevin didn’t have a strong attachment to Phelps or feel the need to carry it on.
  • While I don’t have any issue with my last name, I didn’t feel married (pun intended) to it. We knew my brother would carry it on.
  • We didn’t want to hyphenate, because that seemed difficult and more “new-agey” than we are.
  • For the sake of business, it made sense for me to keep Spurgers (the name of the legal entity is Spurgers Consulting).
  • We had another difficult emotional hurdle to cross here: was Kevin willing to take on the name of my family, when they are not fully supportive of our relationship? (A huge lesson for all of us in the last few years has been navigating life together when we don’t all agree. We thank the Lord for grace that has made this easier for all of us.)

At the end of the day, we decided that it made the most sense for us to keep Spurgers. This meant conversations with both families about why this was happening, as a “heads up.” But, it was still important to me that we made it clear that we were equal partners – so while Kevin picked up Spurgers as a last name, he kept Phelps as a middle name – and I did the same. So we functionally use Spurgers as our last names, but both share Phelps (as a middle name) and Spurgers (as a last name) and will be able to pass on both to our children.

 

We’re fortunate to both have great families and a great support system. We’ve loved the opportunities for meaningful discussion that this has presented. At the end of the day, if we can help people understand others better, or save someone else pain or heartache, then it’s all worth it.

As always, I’d love to discuss this with anyone who has thoughts or questions – feel free to comment or send me a message with questions!

2017 in Review

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2017 has been a year of change, but one that I am exceedingly thankful for. Some heartache, but a lot of hope and healing. I’m walking in to 2018 excited and ready to make it the best year yet!

Here’s reviewing 2017, with a #LifeLesson or two thrown in.

Look familiar? Hint – we come back here later!

In January, Kevin and I took our second trip to Seattle to teach a class and speak at a show for our friend Brook. We were able to take a week of vacation and spend time experiencing Seattle, solidifying our love for the PNW. We also made our first visit to Snoqualmie Falls!

March was a great month! Kangabloo was able to work on a great project for the Conway Area Chamber of Commerce with our friends at Eric, Rob, & Isaac. The photo on the left is from their annual meeting, where this project was unveiled. We are really excited (and out of focus!) in this photo because Kevin also passed his oral exams and became a licensed counselor this same day!

The next week, we left for our third annual cruise with some of our close friends. The week was a great time of rest & relaxation!

 

In April, my brother married his perfect match – who also may be Kevin’s soul-twin. We adore Leslie and her family, and were so thrilled to celebrate them!

Later the same weekend, we had the “Make Your Mark” event for Stoby’s. This was the first big event for one of my largest projects of the year – and so much fun!

May was kind of a big deal. 😉

When we talk about 2017 being a year of change, our wedding is one of the primary reasons it was. Getting married meant a lot of things changing for us, especially in relationships. While there were many hard conversations leading up to our wedding, there was much more happiness and joy surrounding it. You can read my post about our wedding here.

#LifeLesson Number 1: There are times in life when people reveal who they really are, for better and for worse. There were people who were excitingly loving and supported who we never would have expected. There were people we expected to hear from who were silent. There were people we expected love from who chose a different path – which brings me to lesson 2.

#LifeLesson Number 2: You are loved far more than you know. 30 people flying from all over the country to share our day was easily the highlight of my life.

The month of June is a black hole in reviewing the year. I took 3 classes in June (30% of my masters in a month) and there are literally NO photos on my phone from June.

#LifeLesson Number 3: Three summer classes at a time will consume a month of your life! 

July was a great, normal month, settling in to our new normal. This month did bring our first trip to Minneapolis, though!

#LifeLesson Number 4: Puglets are the cutest.

August was a nice finish to a race and a great working-vacation. Stoby’s re-opened with a great event supporting HAVEN House, and we left the next day for a Tanning Salon Owners cruise with some of our closest industry friends.

#LifeLesson Number 5: A project completed that you can sit inside and take in may be the most professionally rewarding thing in the world.

In September, my dad and I made a trip to Austin, TX to drop of relief supplies after Hurricane Harvey. On the way to TX, multiple people honked and offered waving support, while others stopped at gas stations and restaurants and either gave us more things to donate or money to contribute to the cause. It was incredibly heart-warming to see how, even in the midst of tragedy, people can come together to support others in need — even those they don’t know.

I don’t have photos from our trip to the Texas State Fair, but Kevin and I started a new tradition this year – attending the Texas State Fair with his mom. We had so much fun! We also ordered our hot tub… but more on that later. 🙂

#LifeLesson Number 6: doing what you can to help others (even something small) is just as rewarding for you as it is for them.

October was busy with school and mostly uneventful, but we made a barely 48 hour trip to New York to see Dear Evan Hansen. If you get a chance – go!

#LifeLesson Number 7: You Will Be Found.

In November, we finished the pergola for our #SideYardParadise in preparation for our hot tub! We also enjoyed Thanksgiving with my family, and told my parents about my MBA. You can watch the surprise video here:

#LifeLesson Number 8: Building it yourself is sometimes more fun.

#LifeLesson Number 9: Sometimes 16 month-long surprises are worth every single moment and penny!

December was a great wrap-up for our best year yet. We had a great retreat for Kangabloo, I graduated with my MBA, we finished our #SideyardParadise, and spent lots of time relaxing together, and with friends and family.

#LifeLesson Number 10: There is no better life than the one spent with your true love, dear friends & family! 

After a year of change, I am so thankful for the personal and spiritual growth we’ve had this year. We can’t wait to see what 2018 brings us! Our goals are intentionally focusing on gratitude and peace, spending more time at home cooking, reading, and relaxing!

Our Wedding

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I’ve been promising since we got back from our wedding (nearly 4 months ago – what!?) that there would be a blog post summarizing it all. Here I am on a Saturday night at 11:15pm sitting in my office finally making good on that promise!

Kev and I got engaged on July 23, 2016 at the Sivory resort in Punta Cana. At that time, we knew we wanted a destination wedding and thought we’d return there. It was a beautiful resort and we truly enjoyed our time there.

Upon leaving the resort in the Dominican, we thought we’d return for our wedding. Things changed over the course of the year… the resort sold, the prices doubled under new ownership, and we decided to get married in the US. Kevin and I fell in love with Seattle on a January 2016 trip to speak at our friend Brook’s trade show. We both have felt drawn to Seattle since then.

On our way home from speaking at Brook’s show in January 2017, I looked at Kevin on the plane and said “if we could get married anywhere in the US, where would you choose?” He thought about briefly and said “You know, I think I’d choose Snoqualmie.”

Snoqualmie Falls in Snoqualmie, Washington

Oddly enough, we hadn’t discussed this at all and had only visited Snoqualmie once on that very trip. I said “I was thinking the exact same thing.” It’s not rare for Kevin and I to differ on opinions. It’s also not rare for us to agree. It’s a little rare for us to be in 100% agreement without ever talking about it! At this point, we peacefully moved on and didn’t think about it for a while.

Any time we visit Seattle we want to return almost immediately. We’d been talking with our friends Daniel and Solomon about making a trip to Seattle together to show them why we loved it so much. In early February, we booked that trip for late May.

A few weeks later, I asked Kevin “What if we got married while we were in Seattle in May?” He said “My mom has to be there – but otherwise, I’m good with that.” I suggested he talk to Debbie about it. It took about 3 weeks for this to happen, but she said whenever we got married, she’d be there no matter what. We are so thankful for her constant love and support!

In mid March, we decided we’d go for it! Now, keep in mind this was just under 8 weeks away. We talked about the type of wedding that we wanted (faith-based, quiet, sincere, low-key, happy, and light – true to us) and realized that we’d really like some of our friends and family to be there. We sent around 25 invitations out to our closest friends, and begun the discussions with Salish Lodge and Spa, the large building you see on the left of the photo above. Salish overlooks the falls, has beautiful rooms, and also has a fantastic culinary team. This would allow us to easily get married at Snoqualmie. I won’t start my full list of “thank you’s” yet, but y’all. We just happened to be blessed with Desi Buchanan as our first contact at Salish. Our wedding would not have been what it was without the help of a few key people, and Desi is certainly one of those. We have a friendship with her that we will treasure forever.

In planning with Desi and Salish, we said “we may have 10 guests – maybe.” The room we choose had a capacity of 15, so we were good to go. We proceeded on planning and all was well. Much to our surprise, RSVP’s started coming in. We’d get calls, texts, Facebook messages… friends saying “got your invitation! Wouldn’t miss it!” As the days led up to the wedding – our guest count reached 28. What!? We plan a wedding on the other side of the country less than 2 months away and 28 people are going to fly in to be there? We were (and still are) absolutely overwhelmed at the love and generosity each of you have shown us. Never in my life have I felt so loved as I did at our reception… but I’ll get to that later.

I have a good deal of experience in wedding planning and day-of-coordination (though I’m long out of that business)! When we got engaged, I told Kevin the most important thing for us to spend money on for our wedding was the photographer. At the end of your wedding day, you are left with two and a half things that are forever: your spouse, your photos, and the half: your memories. A wedding day is so special, but so so so emotional! So many memories! So many moments to hold on to, people to remember… in the craziness of the day, so much of this is forgotten – especially as time goes on. With photography being our strongest priority, we were in alignment before even discussing it. Our friends Jaison and Callie at Sterling Imageworks capture moments so beautifully, in exactly the style we wanted. Plus, they’re just about the nicest people in the world (and Callie is my #SoulTwin). We called them with the plan for our May 26, 2017 wedding – but they were booked in Arkansas on May 27! So what did we do? We moved the wedding to May 25 – ha! It was imperative to us that they be there to shoot our special day, so moving the day wasn’t even a question. They shot our wedding, went to bed, and got up at 3am to make it back to AR to shoot the next one! <3

We arrived in Seattle on Tuesday, May 23. We spent the first couple of days hanging out with our friends as they gathered from around the country, and sharing some of our favorite parts of Seattle with them. These are days we will never forget. It was so special to see our friends gather to celebrate us. To top this off – our friends Daniel and Solomon planned a fantastic co-ed bachelor party for us, and we had so much fun that evening. We ended the night in a Japanese Karaoke lounge – which was new to both of us. It’s almost like a small movie theatre for you and your group to have private karaoke. After the wine tasting we started the evening with… this was perfect, and hilarious. What was learned from this experience: Jaison Sterling missed his calling as a rockstar (not even playing, y’all) and Josh Harper = Garth Brooks. Of course, with our friends, there was lots of Beyoncé and lots of laughter. Thank you guys so much for planning something so perfect for us.

Thursday morning was so relaxing. I think back to all of the weddings I’ve been a part of and how they were long, stressful days. We spent the morning in our Airbnb in Seattle with some of our closest friends, just hanging out and enjoying the time together. I don’t think I got off the couch until after noon. Jaison and Callie had been staying downtown, so they met us at our Airbnb to head out to the Lodge for some photos before the ceremony.
Pro tip: be friends with your photographers so the whole day is relaxing and feels like you’re just hanging out with friends. 

We stopped at Bakery Noveau and picked up our cake (more below) and then did what you must do when in Seattle! We sat in traffic that delayed our arrival to the lodge by about 45 minutes. I say the whole day was relaxing… this part had me just a little tense. 😉

When we arrived at the lodge, we met Desi, checked in, and got ready – quickly. We’d chosen to do a first look (we hadn’t seen each other in our suits yet), so Callie hung out with me while I got ready and Jaison with Kevin. They headed down to an overlook by the falls to find out where we’d do our photos. One small hitch here: the falls were blocked. There was no easy access to the falls. Jaison didn’t fly across the country to NOT take photos in front of that waterfall, so we figured it out – ha! But first, the first look:

Fortunately we don’t have photos or video of the antics we had to pull to get down to the falls for photos… because our mothers would be very very mad at us – ha. Let’s just say it involved hanging from a fence/rail and dropping 4-6 feet…. in custom suits (props to Bell & Sward)… that we had to wear in 30 minutes. There is no question in ANY of our minds, though: these photos are 100% worth every risk and every drop! A few of our favorites from the base of the falls:

Now, after this… it was 5:50pm! Our ceremony was at 6! We hurried back up and walked in the front doors of the lodge at 6:00pm. Mind you – we never saw the room set up or any of the details prior to walking in to the Hidden Terrace for our ceremony – and it was perfect. Desi had thought of every detail so we didn’t have to – and Chris and Daniel had taken care of everything I’d forgotten to do (true friends).

The ceremony was perfect. We wrote our own vows:

 

Drew’s Vows:

Kevin,

The first time I saw you, I was blown away by your radiant smile.

The second time I met you, I was impressed and thrilled to have you as a part of my company. I enjoyed every moment of getting to know you. I remember appreciating your dedication to work and doing everything to the highest standard, as well as your diligence, sincerity, and honesty. Over the months of getting to know you, my respect and appreciation for you grew to admiration and fondness. Over the last few years, I have fallen more deeply in love with you than I ever knew was possible. You are truly the best part of every day for me.

I’ve often struggled to define what it is about you that makes you so special. You have a warmth about you and a genuine care for people that I have never seen in anyone else. You have no capacity for hate. Your open-mind, level-head, passion for living, and easy approach to life has leveled out my crazy days more than you will ever know. Thank you for making me better, and thank you for loving me.

I know we have vows coming, but there was no script or form that could adequately express the way I feel about you. I’m sure words will fail me, but that doesn’t mean I won’t try!
I promise to spend the rest of our lives together making you feel special every day.
I promise to love you with everything that I have.
I promise to put you first, above everything else.
I promise to support you and to help you achieve all of your goals.
I promise to be the best husband, partner, and eventually father that I can be.
I promise to intentionally slow down and enjoy quiet moments with you. Evenings on the couch watching movies, weekends in bed reading, trips out of town to enjoy each other – you are now and will always be my priority.
I promise to always remember: There are far, far greater things ahead than any we leave behind. I love you, babe.

__________________________

Kevin’s Vows:

Drew, it can be difficult for me to eloquently describe just how deep my love is for you. You are my best friend, my rock, my constant support, and my favorite person to be around. You complete my pie and bring me more love and joy than I ever imagined possible. I can count on you to pick me up when I’m down, help me when I’m weak, and balance me out when I’m off. When I think of normal, and what it means for me, you are always at the center of it. I am so in love with the man that is kind and honest to me in every situation. I’m in love with the man that goes along with my silly and ridiculous requests. I’m in love with the man that works so hard in order to ensure a beautiful future for us. I love the man that doesn’t complain when I slack off and has to pick up some of my slack. I love the man that is happy to spend those wonderful evenings at home doing absolutely nothing with me. I love you for all that you are and all that we have become together. I am so thankful for finding someone that fulfills me in every way. I’m so excited to be able to marry my best friend, and start this new adventure with you. I can only hope to provide you with that same love that you give me. I vow to be there for you in whatever role you need from me, regardless of circumstance. I vow to be faithful and supportive throughout our life together. And finally, I vow to love you with all that I am.

 

It was short and sweet. We prayed, we were married, we cried (well – I cried – and most of our attendees!) and then we were out of there in 10 minutes!

A quick group photo, and then on to the reception!

One of the many benefits of a smaller destination wedding: everyone who is there deeply cares about you. Not only are they willing to take the time to come to your wedding, they’re willing to spend the time and money necessary to travel to get there. Because of this, our reception was so light and fun, but also special and intimate. Since we hadn’t done a rehearsal dinner, we did an “open mic” time – mainly because our friends demanded a time to tell embarrassing stories. We had our share of those, and then we also had some of the sweetest, kindest, warmest well wishes – far beyond what we expected. These are memories we will always cherish, and our favorite part of our wedding day. To each of our friends who attended: thank you for caring. Thank you for being there to celebrate with us and wrapping us in love so deep, sincere, and overwhelming. You were our greatest gift.

At the end of our reception, there was no clean up. No drama. Nothing to do other than hug our friends and go relax in our room. We ate the last piece of cake and drank our champagne that night, and sat on our balcony overlooking the falls reflecting on the perfect day.

Now, a day like this doesn’t happen without saying thank you’s. Stick with me for these – they are very important!

  • Jaison & Callie – Words fail. Thank you so much for capturing the sweetest earthly moments of my life. Words fail. We will forever treasure these images, but even more so, your friendship.
  • Desi – Thank you for making our day flawless from across the country. You are a magician. Happy to return the favor for YOUR WEDDING! 😁
  • Erik Sward, Zanette Bell, Brittany Sproles, and Bell & Sward – thank you for working with us to make the perfect suits. We felt amazing in them and will treasure them forever! I’ve tried wearing mine as pajamas (they’re THAT comfy), but Kevin won’t let me. 🙁
  • Daniel & Solomon – thank you for planning the perfect not-crazy-party night out for our bachelor party, and for doing something true to us. It was perfect. You are life-long friends and make our lives so much richer.
  • Daniel & Chris – thank you for not questioning my “I need your phone now” or “please go to this place and meet this person and she’ll explain” and making everything go off without a hitch.
  • Brook Taylor – your wedding surprise may have been the first time I cried that day. The card you sent us is still on my desk as a constant reminder. You always have a way of making me feel loved and valued from the other side of the country. Thank you, friend.
  • Amber Bartz – thank you for working with us to make a perfect ceremony that fit us, helping us pick scriptures to include, and more. You were so kind and patient!
  • Trenton – thank you for such eloquent words that set the tone for our relationship and the blessing for our marriage!
  • Savannah – thank you for flying across the country to do our hair for our wedding! You (literally) make us look good. Even more than the looks – we are thankful for you friendship. <3 Who would have thought $10 Tuesdays would have led to this?!
  • Jenn, Jeremy, Josh, Curtis, Lauren, Kirk, Amanda, Debbie, Trenton, Lilee, Savannah, Aaron, Ladybug, Rick, Stacie, Ashely, Eric, Marcus, and Kelly – the individual photos from the reception are some of my happiest memories. I keep a printed set of them at the office and one at my house and smile every time I thumb through them. Thank you for making our day what it was – without each of you it wouldn’t have been the same. Our lives are enriched by each of you.

 

Now, some final thoughts – and these are happy thoughts! Don’t you think for a second they aren’t. 😉

  • We live in a hateful time. People are angry and loud. They are insensitive and uncaring. Not once have we encountered this, even in the deep South. Sure, there are those who have kept quiet – and we are fine with that. But, LOVE WINS.
  • It gets better. To the teenager reading this who doesn’t think that this “picture-perfect life” will ever be their’s: we’ve been in your shoes. While these photos are perfect, our lives aren’t. But reality is prettier than a perfect picture. It does get better. Hold on to hope, my friend. Our prayers are with you and we are always hear to talk – or just to listen. It gets better.

Finally, Kevin: Thank you for making my life (and my heart) complete. You are the piece of my pie that I didn’t know was missing. You are my greatest joy, my strongest supporter, my constant encourager, my necessary challenger, my equal, my better half, my biggest fan, and my one true love. I thank God for you every day, and 4 months later (4 YEARS later!) I’m still pinching myself. It’s been a wild ride already – I can’t wait for the rest. <3

“There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind.”
-C.S. Lewis

Keep it Social

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One of the questions I’m asked most often is “how do I make social media work for me?” This is a loaded question with an infinitely long answer, but recently I’ve noticed that I keep boiling it down to the same thing each time.

Social media changes constantly, and it’s hard to keep up with. However, the theory behind social media (and the reason we’re all on it) doesn’t change. For this reason, our vision for social media and reason for using shouldn’t change – just the methods in which we’re using it.

Most business owners measure their success in social media by their number of followers. When someone asks us to work with them on social media, their first goal is almost always to “get more likes on my Facebook page.” That’s usually a good cue for me that our first step needs to be helping that owner change their way of thinking. Social media should be all about quality interaction and engagement, not about the number of people who clicked “follow” or “like.”

Let’s illustrate this with a scenario…
Barry Businessowner invites me to go with him to a networking event, with the goal of sharing our businesses with other people and building relationships that could turn into business. I’m really excited about the chance to get to meet some new people and share with them what I do. I get dressed up in a nice suit, make sure I have plenty of business cards, and get ready to leave the office. As I’m leaving, I grab the “like cards” from my desk – as well as an empty box saying “Place ‘Likes’ Here.” Now I’m ready. 

PlaceLikesHere LikesCard

I get to the event and am stoked because I realize how great this is going to be for my business. I’m going to sit and let people come to me some, and then I’m going to work the crowd some. I place my Like Box on the table and get out my stack of “like” cards. As I’m sitting at the table having a drink, I chat with a few people I know. We catch up on what’s new with them, make the usual small talk, and they move on to talk to other people. After I sit at my table for a while, I realize I’m not making new connections (which is my whole point in attending the event), so I get up to move around and talk to people. 

I stop at a table and meet a gentlemen who owns a landscaping business. He’s been in the area for 2 or 3 years and is getting his business moving. We talk for a couple of minutes, and before moving on, I drop one of my “like cards” on his table. He gives me a weird look. I smile and move on. Throughout the evening, I repeat this process a number of times. I make my way back to my table, find my “like box,” and realize it’s empty. I leave disappointed and dejected, feeling like the evening has been a waste of time and not understanding why people didn’t connect with me more. Barry, on the other hand, leaves beaming, telling me that he had a handful of great conversations and made good strong connections he thinks will turn into business for his firm. I just don’t understand what I did wrong.

Now, clearly this is an exaggerated situation and nobody interacts with people like this, but we do think this way about social media. Where are we going wrong?

  • Social media is not all about the number of followers you have. It’s about the quality of interaction. I was upset after the networking event because I didn’t feel that I made any good connections… yet on Facebook, we get frustrated when we post something to our page and it doesn’t get enough “likes” or enough exposure. Really, all we’ve done is set up an empty box and hope people like what we said – when there’s no connection with what’s there.
  • We expect people to just come and like, but we’ve given them no reason to. There needs to be a real connection. The advent of social media is part of society’s response to satisfy this craving for real connection. As we’ve dug deeper into technology and spend less time making real connections with people, we crave the energy of social media for a few reasons:
    1. we can post what’s going on in our lives with whatever spin or bias we’d like – and seek the attention we want.
    2. we can watch the train wreck of other’s unfold online (you know that girl from high school who is living out her divorce online? You just can’t look away…)
    3. we do have the ability to actually maintain contact or connection with people we don’t see often in person.
  • What makes point 3 different? There’s a quality of a real relationship there. We are humans in that sense – with interactions, no longer sitting in the bleachers for a spectator sport.

Granted, interaction between people and brands is a little different – but the philosophy is the same. I recently heard a quote that rang true in my life:

I’d rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.

This quote was referring to the amounts of friendships we cultivate – I’d rather have 4 close friends than 100 acquaintances. Our feelings about social media should be the same! I’d rather have 500 fans of my page who are connected to my brand – and want to be connected – than 2,000 likes who are there just watching, but not connecting.

If I had spent my time at the networking event talking with other owners about their businesses, asking them questions about their goals and desires, maybe I would have made some valuable connections. If, instead of awkwardly throwing the “like” card down on the table after an interaction, I had discussed with them why I enjoyed what they had to say, I would have cultivated real connection and started a real relationship. How much more beneficial would my time have been then!?

When thinking about social media in the days to come, I urge you to think of these points in planning your posts and interactions:

  • Social media is not a storefront. If you spend your time on social media shouting from the rooftops that you have widgets on sale buy one get one free, you will lose your audience. They’ll tune out and know that you have widgets, but not feel any connection to you. Use social media as a communication tool and not as a store front.
  • Remember you’re dealing with people. Post content that your customers find interesting. Put things out there that they want to read. Better yet, connect them with people and make them feel like they’re sitting in front of you when they’re alone on their computer or scrolling through their feed on their phones.
  • Crave the connection. Find out how to inspire feeling with your social media. It can be as simple as something that they do like and want to see, or even better, something they want to interact with. Ask your customers a question they’ll want to answer that’ll be feedback you can use in your business.
  • Don’t just talk – listen. You know that friend who always talks about himself and never gives anyone else a chance to get a word in edgewise? Yeah, that guy sucks just as much on social media as he does in real life. Spend time listening and responding. Make social media a conversation – not a commercial.

What’s something you can do to succeed more with your social media? I’d love to hear some successes and failures you’ve witness (or created)!

New Year, New Dreams, New Plans

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Would you believe we’re already 3% through 2016!? Ahhh!!! So many resolutions to make progress on!

I always take the first of the year to re-evaluate my life, the businesses, where things stand, etc. This year, for the first time, we at Kangabloo took the full week off between Christmas and New Year’s. The way this fell on the calendar, we had around 2 weeks off total. I had no idea how much I needed that break to reset and re-energize for the new year.

As well as a slew of company and professional goals, I made a few personal goals this year. My theme for this year: “Less frantic. More peaceful. More stable. Lighter.”

  • Less frantic – owning 3 companies can be tough sometimes. Be it through delegating, working further ahead, or managing time differently, I’m going to make sure this year is less frantic than previous years.
  • More peaceful – this one is pretty clear. I want more peaceful, easy time.
  • More stable – most of my small biz friends often feel out of control of their lives. When one thing falls apart, it can break your entire day – or week. I’m making sure I make this year more stable.
  • Lighter – at the end of every day, I really just want to lie down to sleep and not feel a weight sitting on my shoulders.

Here are the specific goals I set for myself personally:

  • Less Clutter – at home and at work, I’m getting rid of the stuff I don’t need. I read The Life-Changing Art of Tidying Up going into the new year – I love the criteria of “does it give you joy?” when you pick something up. Made it clear how much stuff I was holding on to for a rainy day that I didn’t need.
  • More Writing – as I do more consulting and “preach” the gospel of original content online, I have to do a better job of writing for myself.
  • More Reading – I love to read, but rarely make time to. This year, I’m going to make sure I take the time to read.
  • Fitness – while I’m not in terrible shape, I need to do better. I will do better this year. 🙂

The biggest challenge I have for myself, my friends, and my clients (who are business owners) this year:

Own your business. Don’t let it own you.

I’m going to make sure 2016 is the best year yet. What are you doing to make this year successful?

Finding Astrid

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The past 24 hours have been crazy, but what a happy ending to a story that seemed hopeless!

On Thursday, April 3, 2014, our beloved Cat, Astrid, went missing. Some time late that evening we think she slipped out through a hole in a window screen. Astrid is 4 years old and has never been outside. She has no front claws and is very attached to one thing in the house: her food bowl. We couldn’t believe she wanted to get out, and didn’t understand how she did. We realized that Thursday evening that she’d slipped out. Richard knocked on my door and woke me up some time around midnight. We tore the house apart, then went outside to look for her right as it started sprinkling. We looked for over 2 hours that night to no avail. With the storm beginning, we realized there was no way we were going to find her that night. We went back inside, and resolved to keep looking the next day.

Photos of Astrid would be shared over 100 times by our friends over the first days of April.

Photos of Astrid would be shared over 100 times by our friends over the first days of April.

The next morning we got up and looked for her for hours. I looked continuously until some time after lunchtime, with no luck. Unfortunately, this would become the theme of the next few weeks. We tore the neighborhood apart, canvassing every inch we could think of. The photos we posted on Facebook over the subsequent days would be shared over 100 times (this one 53), reaching thousands of people in Conway. We also posted over 750 flyers.

We did everything we could think of. We searched (with the help of countless friends) for weeks. We called the animal shelter, the Humane Society, Arkansas Lost and Found Pet Network  (who would play an instrumental role in her eventual return home), all of the area vet offices, and more. We followed up on every lead – over 30 before this was all said and done. By the time May was winding down, we hadn’t given up by any means, but the tireless searching was no longer plausible and seemed in vain.  For those of you who don’t know us well, we are ideal pet people. While we have crazy schedules, mine is mostly on my terms and we work to make sure the animals are well taken care of. Astrid and Richard were very close, with Astrid next to Richard almost every moment he was home. Her missing from the house made the house seem empty, and took an emotional toll on Richard. Some time in June, we agreed it was time to foster. I told Richard he was too good of a “cat parent” and needed to be taking care of a different cat if not Astrid. We spoke with the Humane Society of Faulkner County and quickly had a new cat foster, Ted.

Flash forward 5 months and 8 days. We’ve been through the heat of summer and the weather is finally starting to cool down. I was in a new client consultation when my cell phone rang with an unknown number 3 times. She left a voicemail on the third call, and then called my office and left a voicemail there. Thinking this was some marketing emergency, I forwarded the message to Meredith and asked her to see what it was. Meredith responded “Someone claiming to have Astrid…” and left it at that. When I finished my meeting, I listened to the voicemail

Hey Drew, this is Mandy. I live in Nottingham subdivision and I know where your kitty is. So, if you’ll call me, I’ll tell you where I live and tell you where she is. “

I was sure immediately that this was another strike of the “Nottingham Lookalike,” a cat whose markings are very similar to Astrid’s that we had encountered many times over the months. I called Mandy back, planning to say “thank you” and move on with my day.  When I called Mandy, I asked her where she lived. Indeed, she lived on Nottingham Drive and said she’d seen my “kitty.” I explained to her that there was a lookalike very similar to her who lived in Nottingham and we’d seen that cat multiple times. Mandy’s neighbors had also seen Astrid and noticed she’d been feeding them – one of her neighbors told her she thought Astrid was the missing cat from a few months ago. Mandy wanted to get in touch with us and her neighbor told her to look on ALFPN – she found the post from 5 months ago and called me.

Her response shocked me:”No, that’s not your kitty. I’ve fed that kitty – with half his tail missing – for a long time, but he went missing 2-3 weeks ago. Your kitty has been coming to my house every night around 7pm and staying until around 8:30. I feed her then. She’s very sweet and friendly. She wouldn’t let me touch her at first, but is very affectionate now.”

Still unconvinced and pained at another false sighting, I asked Mandy “OK – does she have a mustache?” Astrid’s mustache is her most distinct characteristic, and earned her the name “Hitler Cat” since we first got her.

“No, this kitty doesn’t have A MUSTACHE, she has YOUR CAT’S MUSTACHE. I’m telling you, I have a picture of your cat in front of me and this is your cat.”

Starting to feel there was some hope here, I said “OK, give me your address and I’ll go see what’s up.”

Mandy could tell I wasn’t yet convinced. “Your kitty has the black mustache with the spot on her nose and doesn’t have her front claws. She’s very sweet and meows like this [imitates meowing sounds].”

At this point, I realized two things: I was talking to the best kind of crazy cat lady, and there was a very good chance she actually had Astrid. Mandy told me there was food on her front porch and described where her house was on the street. She encouraged me to take the food and call to Astrid, though she said she didn’t often see her during the day. She told me she’d send me a picture of Astrid to prove it was her.

When I received this photo from Mandy, I couldn't believe Astrid was still alive - and half a mile from home!

When I received this photo from Mandy, I couldn’t believe Astrid was still alive – and half a mile from home!

I pulled up at Mandy’s house and parked in the driveway, adrenaline already beginning to rush. I was immediately appreciative of all she’d done for Astrid, because there was a bowl of fresh food and water near her garage, and another on the front porch, as well as a comfortable cat bed that Astrid could sleep in. I grabbed the food bowl, shook it, and called for Astrid. For a few minutes I walked around doing this, talking to my mom and Meredith on the phone telling them how close we were. After it became clear Astrid either wasn’t close or wasn’t going to come out in broad daylight, I set the food down and went to where most all strays live in our area: the storm drains. The storm drain nearest Mandy’s front yard was less than 20 feet from her front porch. I got on my knees, bent over, and stuck my head in a storm drain for the thousandth time this year. “Astrid! Astrid Kitty!” I can’t tell you how surprised I was to immediately hear her familiar “Meow?”

I was on the phone with Meredith at this point – she couldn’t believe it either. I put my phone on speakerphone.

“Meredith. Do you hear her? It’s Astrid! Astrid!”

“Reow! Meow!”

I heard Meredith talking to our intern on the other end of the line “Oh my gosh! That’s her! It’s Astrid!”

At this point I knew I was going to need help getting Astrid out of the storm drain. I called my dear friend Judi. She didn’t answer. Judi helped us search for Astrid more than anyone else – she’d come by the house even when we weren’t there to look. I called her again. No answer. Judi’s inbox is full from the countless messages she gets on a daily basis asking for help rescuing animals. Judi works more than full time – for free – just taking care of animals needing rescue and adoption. I knew Judi would want to be there for Astrid’s rescue, and I really needed the help. I texted her and said “Judi! I found Astrid! I need help!!” and gave her the address. She told me she’d be there in 10 minutes. She pulled up as I was talking to Astrid through the storm drain – I didn’t want to her to think I’d left. Judi started talking to Astrid as I went home to get tools to open the storm drain.

When your cat is stuck in a storm drain, there’s not much hope for help. The fire department can’t do anything about it – they told me to call animal control. Animal control won’t come out unless you can visibly SEE the cat – and we couldn’t. They said they wouldn’t even set a trap since there was rain in the forecast. They said to call the street department and ask them to open the drain – at this point I was done and not letting this chance go by. I grabbed a screw driver and a pry bar and headed back. Judi and I opened up the drain. I was dressed for work – Judi said “Drew, are you going down there in those shoes?”

“Do you think I care about the shoes right now?! Of course I’m going in there!”

In the storm drain catching the first sight of Astrid in over 5 months.

In the storm drain catching the first sight of Astrid in over 5 months.

When I got down in the drain, I could see Astrid immediately. She was far away – up the street 20-40 feet – but it was definitely her. I started talking to her and shaking the food bowl at her asking her to come to me. She would saunter my way and then turn around and walk away further. One step forward, two steps back. I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to get her from where we were and hopped out of the drain and headed down to the next one – where Astrid was sitting when I first saw her.

When I got down in the second drain, she’d moved further away, but wasn’t running. Judi explained that survival instincts kick in and they don’t want to come close to anything and chance getting hurt. Astrid would walk toward me for a few minutes, talk to me, look at me, and then walk away. We eventually realized the brightness of my flashlight was what was scaring her away. At this point, Judi thought to start recording. She realized we were going to get Astrid back and wanted this on video. She grabbed my phone and started taking photos and video.

Judi ran back to her car to grab some wet food (all I had was kibble from Mandy’s house) to help entice Astrid. Astrid and I kept “talking” and playing this exhausting game of hide-and-go-seek.

The video below is the last few minutes of our 30 minute game – and our final reunion.

Watching this back cracks me up! Judi and I couldn’t believe we’d gotten her and were so worried to chance letting her go! The video cuts off right before a lady walks by with two VERY loud schnauzers who were no happier to see Astrid than she them. Judi and I may have both had heart attacks at this point. Judi finally kindly asked her to move on and get the dogs away from Astrid. Once the threat of schnauzers had moved on, we realized we had no crate to put her in – I decided if I could get in the car and get to the house and close the garage, we were safe. Judi and I ran to the car with a freaked-out Astrid in my arms. As Judi opened the door, I jumped in the car and she closed the door. I realized I didn’t have my keys! Judi found them and handed them through a very small opening to me. I drove home and closed the garage and finally felt a wash of relief – Astrid was home!!

Judi joined me at the house a few minutes later (after putting the storm drains back together and gathering our mess) and we prepared to call Richard. I intentionally had told Richard nothing about the rescue attempt, not wanting to give him any false hope. I decided I’d FaceTime him and let him see for himself. Working a speech therapist in a school, I had no idea if I’d catch him at work or not. Knowing how difficult losing Astrid was for him, I knew he’d be elated to see her. I sent Richard a text: “911. Face time NOW.” He didn’t respond quickly enough and I was actually on the phone with the school secretary when he tried to call me. I set the phone in front of me with Astrid in my lap and hit the “Accept” button. As the call connected, he just stared in disbelief. He didn’t say anything for at least 30 seconds. Expecting a hard phone call (he expected the passing of one of the other pets), he was totally caught off guard. Finally, I said “Richard, what do you think?” He said nothing. “Richard? What do you think?”

“Is that her?” he asked, not believing it.

“Yes, it’s her! She’s home!”

“Are you sure it’s her?” This is a question I’ve been asked at least 10 times since finding her.

“YES, I’m sure it’s her!”

Richard starting shaking his head and tearing up. Judi and I were just smiling and laughing. Finally, Richard said “Hi, Astrid!”

“Meow!” Astrid returned his greeting as she looked at the phone.

IMG_4592

There are few things more magical than seeing someone reunited with a companion animal.

As Astrid responded to Richard, I finally lost it and teared up. I looked over and Judi was crying as well. The tension had finally resolved as we realized she was home and safe. After talking to Richard, I was ready to let Astrid loose to explore “home” again. As she jumped out of my lap, she rubbed up against the chair on her way back home to Richard’s room – the door was closed and she insistently pawed at it until I opened it up for her.

We are so excited she is home – and things feel “complete” again. She and Ted are acclimating well, and the house is just a bit more crowded. You can see a gallery of photos from the last 24 hours below. Never give up hope when a pet goes missing, and PLEASE always make sure your pets are micro-chipped and wearing collars with identification all of the time! You never know when they could accidentally/unexpectedly slip out.

 

In With the New

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I really love New Year’s. The holiday itself isn’t anything special to me – but I love what it signifies. I love it even more for business. It’s the perfect time to set yourself up for success in the next year. To review what you failed at this year. Normally some time late 3rd quarter or early 4th quarter, I get away for a few days and start thinking in the direction of next year. I’m always thinking about the next thing and what we’re driving towards, but this time of year is my favorite. We can celebrate the successes of the current year and get ready to succeed next time.

We also benchmark as a company – and I ask our teams to do the same. Here’s what I asked from our Kangabloo team.

As we wrap up 2013, I hope you’re looking forward into 2014. Part of success in any business (but especially ours) is always being a step ahead and seeing the future. The next thing. For this reason, it’s important that we spend some time goal setting for next year.

 Here’s what I need from you:

  • Make a list of goals for us as a company. I’m thinking 3-5. Make sure they’re not just something thrown together, but well thought out things we need to improve on to be the best we can be. What’s going to make us better and move us forward? 
  • Make a list of personal goals for yourself. These shouldn’t be work-related, but rather just things you want to do to improve your life or yourself as a person in the next year. Up to you if you want to share these with me or not. If you do, I will hold you to them. If you don’t, it’s totally fine – but please make sure you’re working to advance yourself. 
  • Make a list of professional goals for next year. Again, 3-5 here. Please know that I will take these very seriously and will hold you accountable. We will begin doing evaluations once every 3 months like I do with other companies, and at that point we’ll review these goals and how they’re progressing. I will also use my connections and relationships to help you reach your goals – find someone who is doing what you want to do better well and have them help walk you through the process. 

Asking my team to look at these things challenges them to evaluate themselves. How did we win? Where did we lose? Where do we do better? Additionally, it gives them the opportunity to push themselves. We will review the goals they set in one-on-one meetings the first week of January. We’ll set those goals and review them quarterly during the evaluations.

Personally, setting  my goals, putting them on paper, and sharing them with my team also holds me accountable. We’re all looking at New Years Resolutions now – but how will you hold on to yours? Who will hold you accountable? Here’s to making 2014 the best year yet!

Encouraging the Encouragers & Adventures in Slight Depression

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A couple of months ago, I found  myself the lowest I’ve ever been. I hadn’t been able to say for sure why that is. I can make guesses, but just can’t nail it down.

My whole life, I’ve been the encourager. I think some people see encouragers as “rock solid.” Maybe that’s true… but if it is, it’s only a portion of the time. I would say I’m solid about 95% of the time. The other 5% is really rough. I find myself down and helpless – it almost felt at times like someone would walk by, look at me down, say “oh, I see you down there!” and then just keep walking. I guess it’s because people don’t know how to encourage the encourager. If they perceive themselves as a person less secure or happy, they just may not know how to help.

Usually, I can be talked through anything. Give me a cup of coffee and an hour with a good friend and we can change the world – or at least my perspective. This season wasn’t like that at all. I felt disconnected form my friends, from God, and from my life. I just wanted to be me again.

I’ve read Allie Brosh’s blog “Hyperbole and  Half” for a couple of years now. She is hilarious. She also struggles with actual depression (which I don’t claim to). You can read her posts Adventures in Depression and Depression Part Two here. I have a close friend who has struggled with depression his whole life, and before reading these posts felt like I just couldn’t understand it. I remember sitting at my desk reading these posts and just crying feeling so sorry for those who suffer from depression.

Now that I feel I’ve dug out of my (shallow) hole, I have some observations from this process:

  1. Everyone needs to be encouraged. Don’t assume someone is rock solid – nobody hates to be praised. The smallest comment can make a huge difference in someone’s day.
  2. Don’t try to fix something you didn’t break. If you notice a friend is down – don’t try to fix them. Just be there and be supportive. This has been one of my greatest mistakes in trying to console people around me who are struggling.
  3. Extroverts can become introverts… temporarily. Recently, the only thing that’s consistently given me energy is spending time alone. Reading, studying, working, writing, watching TV… I’ve just needed “me” time. As an extreme extrovert, this was really confusing for me and most of my friends.
  4. Cling to the healthy relationships that help. I’ve had some great friends over the years – and a few close friends that have stayed beside me. Through this process I felt I disconnected from most everyone – but had a close friend who knew that I was down. He knew I didn’t need to sit and talk for hours. That I just needed to exist and feel like I wasn’t alone. That relationship is what got me through this in one (partially sane) piece.
  5. Exercise. Running, aerobics, whatever – DO SOMETHING to get your body moving and work out some of the junk that you’re feeling. Cleaning up the diet doesn’t hurt either! Garbage in, garbage out. (I failed at this one… so much dessert… so much cookie dough).
  6. Be okay with being broken. Beating myself up for being low just made me feel worse. At some point, I just had to accept that I wasn’t okay and wasn’t going to be for a while. Waiting it out was the only option, and hating myself for it didn’t help.

On the other side of this – I have so much more respect for people that battle depression. I feel the illusion that I am a strong person is bunk – the people that fight depression day in and day out and continue functioning are really strong. From this, I’m ready to be the best supportive friend I can be.

Secret to Employee Success – Part 1

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Over the past few months, I’ve had multiple people ask me to explain the relationship I have with my employees. I’ve really wrestled with how to write this, because I don’t consider myself an expert in any way here. However, I’ve been in a number of professional settings in different capacities, and I’m always surrounded by people smarter than I am.

A large part of what I do daily now is managing people. This is both the most rewarding and most challenging thing I do. I can say that I love it – figuring out how to make people “come alive” in their gifting is one of my passions – and I’m fortunate to be able to do it with Kangabloo, Exotic Tans, and NLC Production.

One of the things I learned quickly – I’m surrounded by BRILLIANT leaders at New Life Church. Pastors Rick Bezet, Darren DeLaune, and Neil Greathouse (among others) have a way of lighting people up. Following their lead has made successful leadership much easier for me. I’m still learning and developing – and every situation is different, but here’s the 30,000 foot view of what I’ve learned (and will expand upon in future posts).

  1. “Just Business” doesn’t work – at least not in small business. If I were to shut our teams out and not take an interest in their lives (professional development, personal lives, education) I would lose their interest. The relatable boss is one you’re comfortable with.
  2. The Iron Fist creates a stone cold team. Leading by forced authority doesn’t get you anywhere. Earn the influence you wish to carry and they will follow.
  3. Publicly celebrate the successes. Privately correct the misses. If your team knows you believe in them and are proud, they’re much happier to do good work for you – and your clients notice. Straight out of New Life Church: public loyalty brings private leverage.
  4. The culture you develop drives the customer experience. In the case of the church, the culture we develop among our team dictates the tone of the weekend in so many ways. In business – the attitudes our teams have toward their jobs makes the interaction with customers. You know that cashier at WalMart who hates her job? Culture isn’t on her side. Know that barista who lights up every morning as she hands you your coffee? Curated culture makes her shine.
  5. HR isn’t a formula. Maintaining relations with your employees isn’t done formulaically in their evaluations once every 3/6/12 months. It’s done daily in your interactions with them.
  6. Covenant is non-negotiable. Again, straight from the New Life Church book: your promise to me as an employee and member of my team is guaranteed to be reciprocal. You play for my team. I will support, guard, protect, and defend you with everything that I have. Loyalty isn’t a suggestion – it’s imperative and non-negotiable. Choose your team wisely. 
  7. Rules are rules are exceptions. Yes, make good on your word. But remember – we are dealing with people, who are by nature imperfect. Remember the grace we were extended and run your decisions through that. 
  8. Every decision is filtered through your culture. What you define as your mission should drive every. single. decision. If you can’t decide if it’s a good idea – filter it through the vision. Does it help accomplish where you’re going? Does it fit? If not, don’t do it. No matter how good the idea, if it’s not part of your vision, it doesn’t happen.
  9. The culture of empowerment is freeing. Neil Greathouse has always told us, when a decision has to be made on the fly, make it. We’ll support and defend you as long as you can substantiate your decision. Worse comes to worst, it’s a learning experience and you know to decided differently next time – but you’ll never be penalized for making the best call you could. (managers – a secret: when you empower your people to make decisions, you take them off of yourself. Train well, multiply yourself).
  10. Accountability keeps us pointed North. Comfortable relationships are great. Relational management is as well. When it’s time to be the boss, be the boss. Make the hard decisions. Have the confrontational conversation. Confrontation breeds resolution. A relational manager who can still be the boss can lead people into the fire – and they will follow.

Again – none of these ideas are new, and none are my own – but the blend of these together seems to have made for some unstoppable teams. Curious – managers, what are your thoughts? Which of these is the most important? What did I leave out?

More to come…